Have you ever wondered about seedless fruit?
Indeed, so have I, so I’ve tracked down and interviewed the foremost Fruit Surgeon in the country, Dr. Lee. Here’s a summary of the most important quotes, translated from moonspeak.
“Seedless fruit have long been humanity’s ultimate goal, as everyone hates seeds in fruit; to this end, an unimaginable amount of manpower hours has been devoted to this noble goal. We now sit at the pinnacle of human development, where specialized Fruit Surgeons like myself operate 24/7 on fruit using the latest technology to leave fruit not only seed-free, but also scar-free!”
“Our techniques are so refined that some claim the fruit is seedless, not by physical means, but due to genetic engineering. It’s a compliment we love to hear.”
“Since I was a little boy, back in China, I’ve always hated chewing my rice and having to spit out the seeds. At the age of five, I already knew I was going to not only be a Fruit Technician, but a new class of fruit engineer: A Fruit Surgeon.”
“After one of my 8 hour shifts in a stuffy factory, eureka hit me like yellow fever, and I came up with an ingenious method to de-seed fruits by entering via their stem, thus avoiding messy cutting and super-gluing, which was the state-of-the-art at the time.”
“We gooks have a natural aptitude for detail work, with our tiny, dexterous, hands and our squinty eyes which we can further squint to see much better than non-yellows. Now, instead of assembling toys, we have thousands of Fruit Doctors per facility, de-seeding fruit at an astounding rate. We output enough seedless fruit to feed the entire US population every 24 hours without hindering our rice de-seeding operations!”
Now you know a Reader’s Digest version of the story. When you enjoy your seedless grapes, watermelons, potatoes, bananas, rice, avocados, tomatoes, grapefruit, etc, that you’re also employing hard-working people.